Chapter 9: Trayvon — Sex, enjoy, and Like in Prison2
Exactly just just What had been the possibilities things could find yourself violently between us — beside me, needless to say, having the shitty end? Might Trayvon force himself that I was unwilling to just accept but struggling to stop? On me personally you might say! We were holding maybe not questions that are idle. We thought long and hard concerning this, however in the final end i decided that no, he’dn’t do this. Considering exactly what, you may well ask? Good question — we don’t understand.
Another consideration ended up being, that which was Trayvon getting away from this relationship? Demonstrably, he’d have yourself an intercourse partner as well as minimum some usage of my canteen account. I knew he previously simply no cash, in which he knew that I experienced at the very least some cash. Possibly he had been actually interested in me personally in which he had been a mooch — we represented a chance to fulfill both requirements! Ended up being here such a thing undoubtedly incorrect with this? As of this very very early phase I told myself that so long I was okay to let him have a soup or a honey bun when he wanted something as he didn’t get too greedy. Why shouldn’t I reward him for his relationship? In the end, we endured to get one thing using this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have prison bad-ass to my side in the event i obtained harassed or threatened.
Did Trayvon have HIV or other STD? Needless to say he said no and said he previously to have tested occasionally and blah blah that is blah. I did son’t press the presssing problem or require seeing the test outcomes. Rather I inquired myself — keep in mind, this person had been assigned to kitchen responsibility — Would my state’s DOC designate some guy with HIV to that particular variety of work? I experienced to think the clear answer ended up being no, no chance. Other inmates later on laughed within my confidence in DOC! Also, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or dose that is single. Consequently we judged him become healthier.
Had been I really the only guy he had been striking on or are there other people — either there in my own dorm or in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did we worry about that? A jail dorm is mostly about the smallest amount of personal destination you can are now living in, and so I could see the vast majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other buddies, black colored & white. Achieved it appear to be he had been striking on some of those dudes? Answer — no. As to whether we cared, we must’ve cared or I would personallyn’t have already been having to pay a great deal attention. But we told myself we cared perhaps perhaps perhaps not away from jealousy but because I happened to be nevertheless racking your brains on their motives that are real focused on getting an STD.
I inquired myself: me unfaithful to my ex-wife with whom I hoped to reconcile when I got out if I do this does that make? Just What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could carrying this out somehow turn me personally homosexual after an eternity of being right — at minimum since camcrush it pertains to grownups? I did son’t understand yet because I experiencedn’t had this experience yet. But we thought — no. I happened to be creating a unique exclusion for this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that will end whenever we finished. I was thinking, “Trayvon is just a situation that is unique. What other young black colored dudes may be thinking about an adult white guy? ” Thus far, i did son’t feel any gayer. I became simply messing around and having some disgusting fun. It absolutely was a jail thing.
Before turning to the possible advantages Trayvon needed to provide as a “friend with advantagesthat I did not think about ahead of time — although in hindsight I really should have” I need to mention one last rather serious problem! Which was, assume we had been learned? Assume rumors about us begun to travel all over dorm simply because I became investing lots of time hanging out Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each and every other a great deal? Exactly What would we do, if any such thing, to squelch such rumors?